I think I’ve established that I’m not anybody’s bitch and I’m also not anybody’s “typical” white girl. At my college 99% of marriages are crosscultural. Typically Polynesians and Caucasians in my experience.
So Samoan guys like white skin. They also like the girls to have a little “extra” skin around as padding. They like blonde hair, blue eyes, and some of them do end up with supermodel girlfriends but really they usually think all Americans are hot. They don’t like to be single- EVER. And they are born with this idea that they are fiiinnneee and because girls think that’s sexy bam there they go another white girl falls into their lap.
Told ya I learned a lot from Maui. And Teddy Bear. And many, many other Polynesian men who will go unnamed.
Here’s the thing misty-eyed white Mormon girls just don’t get. Marriage is hard. Cross cultural marriages? OH no. First of all the language. Just because he speaks English doesn’t mean his mind works the same as yours at all, or that he understands what you’re saying.
Culture. In Fa’aSamoa you just do it. You don’t ask questions. And then when you’re older you understand the why. But you as a younger person just do it with no questions. So when she says “Babe why won’t you make out with me in front of my parents?” He will probably just blow it off. But there’s way bigger forces at work there such as Samoan attitudes about PDA and respecting everyone around you and having boundaries.
I am also going to chip in that I have lived around these 19 year old girls and besides having no clue who they really are they don’t know how to wash a dish, keep a house, finance or budget, and really they are airheads. Doesn’t matter how long they go to school most of these girls get so caught up in the fantasy of the perfect husband and home that they forget how much work it takes to build a home. You don’t start with a house. You start with foundation of trust, common ground, you face challenges to the foundation such as differences in opinion, cultural and religious belief challenges, and then maybe after you get stronger on that you can think about doing groundwork on the house.
Nobody in their right mind would get married. That’s why hormones exist. Otherwise people would realize just how difficult it is to be in that type of relationship and run screaming the other way.
Mormons are completely brainwashed in this regard. There are so many conflicts of belief in that church that I’m sitting here at 19 like uh… this isn’t working. This doesn’t fit how my life has been. I don’t think this should make sense. And it doesn’t make sense. And I don’t want to get married and have 7 kids and that be my ultimate calling. I want to get healthy, better myself, and have a good life on my own first. I really, really really don’t want to have kids. and until my mental illness takes a step back I really have no business having kids. I don’t want to bring someone into this world that I can’t take care of. I don’t want them to end up like me.
More about Samoan men… Just because in general I love them very much, doesn’t mean that there aren’t things about them that would make marriage to one very difficult. First is the implied Fa’aSamoa that I mentioned. And then Fa’alavelave and sending money, food, whatever home to whatever relative needs it. And you are always the palagi wife. You are never Samoan to them. They will expect you to act white and be white and if you surprise them they get twitchy. I drive them crazy because I learn their culture, their skills, how to do things the fa’aSamoa way, and I can speak and understand their language- and I’m palagi and I don’t have a Samoan significant other. Truth be told I’m not sure I WANT one because here’s the other thing. Samoans have a very different expectation of hard work than mainlanders do. To a Samoan or a Tongan or really most Polynesians you do as much work as is needed and then you rest, no matter what time of day it is.
In mainlander culture we go day to day to day overachieving overexcelling hiding symptoms of fatigue and illness and stay driven driven driven to do too much and overstress ourselves. We get rigorous schooling that does not really exist in the islands and when it is present it is not at all like palagi school (palagi- skybreaker “white person”). They don’t put much emphasis on reading and writing but they do school the kids well in English. As well as they can with limited teachers and resources.
Samoans also tend to expect women to be in the traditional role of beautifying the house, obeying, and cleaning. Samoan men traditionally do cook and work. Women raise the children. Mormons tend to also foster this view for us.
So then you end up with this pairing where one person has a completely different view of work, sex, family relationships, schooling, and family role expectations than the other. And for LDS people it’s like this is your one true only soul mate and there’s no one else for you and this is your happily ever after and you finally “made it” congratulations…
And people don’t stop to think about this kind of thing first. Especially not these silly nineteen year old girls who think they know everything. The reason I’m single? Is because I know I don’t know everything and I do know that I have issues. I also know that I don’t want to add unhealthy attachment to my life so young and rely on a man because in my experience men leave and lie and cheat.
I am sharing a video of Samoan women siva (dance) because I think the best way to describe the women’s role in Samoa is to show this.
All in all I’m bitterly disappointed and confused in what I was always taught about love and marriage, especially as a rape survivor in the church, and I’m deeply hurt by how the men in my life behave.
And you’re not going to believe this but my house the locks don’t work right? And a halfnaked man came over and said he was looking for someone and went through our rooms. And then left. But he was in the house…
This is not a good night for someone with posttraumatic stress disorder.