Jumpshot

I had a crayday so I’m… totally. not. Up past my bedtime having skipped a couple meals today typing this blog post. And Jumpshot may or may not be in my Breakup Spotify Playlist and yes I am sooo learning that dance.

Funfact I secretly want to become a kickboxing, poledancing badass queen. I have the badass queen part down but the poledancing class is a little elusive.

Can’t wait to walk into church with that one. Us Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints people (we are also called Mormons) we play this game called speed-dating. Helps us marry off our “childbrides” faster. I can see this going down. Me walking into the meeting wearing athletic clothes. The other girls are in cute skirts and layered shirts on top. Hair is cute. Clothes are cute. I look like I don’t care.

“Today we’re doing speed dating! How many of you have done this before?”

Other girls: Giggle teeheehee

Me: ….. “We doin’ this again!?”

Them: “Ladies calm yourselves, there’s plenty of men to go around. Has everyone had a refreshment? Okay let’s start.”

First guy comes up

“Hi my name is Nephi”

“Kay. I’m the Queen”

“Oh. Okay. Uh…” (he reads off the list of approved questions which I will attach below) What’s your dream career?”

I lean in close to him, bite my lip and look straight at him, smoldering

“Exotic. Dancer. “And blow a kiss at his back when he walks away shell-shocked. You know I would. This behavior should not surprise you at all if you have even halfway read through this blog.

Your imagination can come up with the rest. Typical Mormon speed-dating questions go through what are your hobbies where did you go to school what are you looking for in an eternal companion what is your favorite scripture hero (I’m not kidding stop laughing). And you know I would.

OKay so at BYUH we have this thing called the Honor code. And lately the men at the gym be strippin’ in front of the mirror looking for their abs. How other girls at my school respond- the ones who are there- they get shy and look away.

How I respond? I pull up my shirt to show off MY sixpack and say “Hey, bruh. You flash me, I will flash you BACK. Got it?”

Not the typical response. But I’m not a typical person.

*cough, cough* Understatement of the year.

Today was kind of insane. It wasn’t supposed to be insane but I’m the one who lives with all the voices in my head so I guess that pretty much blew it. I need to stop listening to those. Particularly the one who likes fire. Definitely need to keep an eye on that one. Point is my day was a lot more intense than I had planned on.

I got up after a night of crazay nightmares as usual and hating my life and just had to get out. So I get on the bus and I go to the zoo. And I am going to say this right now that animals love me. I walk up to the cheetah exhibit and my sistahs come right out to see me. I walk past the tiger same deal. The lion? oh yeah. If you are going to have an encounter with an animal you should bring me along because I am a wild child. They know me.

My dad thinks he’s so funny. I told him I was at the zoo today and he asked me “What side of the bars are you on?” “The side where the wild things are, obviously.”

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