Welllllllll….. I been crazy busy is the truth. I mean we could add in the part of my day where I went to the boys hale and all I did was just sit there on a bench eating tortilla strips and hummus with my new bruh Enrique, and 5 guys who passed by said “Good afternoon, your majesty.” or we could add in the other 6 million things that happened. Also as far as that went, I nodded my approval and said “Thank you.” And then told Enrique “I’m so proud of them for finally learning their place in this world.”

Or we could talk about me and the gym. And I guess that’s what we should talk about because AHEM my experience at the gym this past week SUCKED and it’s not really my fault it is TEDDY BEAR and KITTEN’S DARN FAULT RRRRR.

Teddy Bear is the big, tall Samoan guy I used to like. 😦 😦 And now it hurts so bad to look at him I actually said hey you I need my space I need you out. Because my ex-Samoan guyfriends don’t understand that the reason I hate it when they talk to me is because in order to handle them not being around for the past few months (yes, months) I kept telling myself “Hey girl, they’re not in your life anymore, they’re too busy. They’re not coming back. Don’t hope for anything”

And then these hos come and try to talk to me like “Hey! Want some barbecue?”

No. No I do not want barbecue. I am anorexic, ho. Is what I want to say. But instead I just keep walking like teddy bear does not exist and is not calling my name out after me. I should probably mention this was him at my house because my aunty I live with here does plate lunch to help students raise money for stuff. In this case it was probably teddy bear’s wedding- though I have no idea if that rumor was true or not.

The problem here is that Teddy Bear comes to the gym with Kitten. She doesn’t know which end of a weight is up or down kay? And he goes to the gym and he slides his hands up her thighs and snuggles her while she’s lifting and it’s obnoxious and stupid and I hate having to watch and yes, yes, I am very very very jealous. I have always had to work out on my own except when I was on the track team. And thanks for reminding me how single I am. And also it’s just so annoying seeing them in there and him being all encouraging and supportive when in my humble opinion, if a girl wants a sexy body she needs to bust her own ass to get it. You do NOT go to your boyfriend and expect him to be the answer to that problem. Just him, is not enough motivation to do what it takes to train your body to be that strong and hardcore.

I may or may not have kicked him.

I was doing pullups (that gives you some idea of how hard I train to be balanced and strong in my whole body) and he walks over and says hi and holds his hand up, expecting me to smile to see him and his pathetic little Kitten and I kicked him. Cause I wanted him to walk away.

And then I beat down at the punching bag for the next half hour. You should see my hands.

The context of me doing that is I’d been up since 3:00 am crying because I missed KT and I was so depressed and lonely I couldn’t sleep so I came to the gym to burn off my stress and BAM Teddy Bear and Kitten were there. And I was definitely ready to throw a punch but instead I beat on the punching bag. Teddy Bear is a lucky guy. And his girlfriend Kitten walked in front of my punching bag and she’s so blessed. So blessed that I am a kind, sweet person, because if I had been listening to my inner self that said quite helpfully

Uhps! Didn’t see you there, b***.

I have to admit I regret that I didn’t listen to my inner voice.

If I had, that morning would have gone down very differently for her. Seriously, what airhead walks in front of a girl when she’s beating a punching bag?!  Do NOT get between a girl and her punching bag. Ever. Of all the not smart things you could do 1) You don’t want to see me angry 2) Don’t get between me and my workout 3) Don’t get in my way. Period.

This is the third time they’ve showed up at MY gym and it’s got to stop. My guyfriend thinks everything’s fine and that we’re still friends. Well, we’re not. He’s not my friend. And the other thing that gets me is that this guyfriend has depression and it feels like she’s his happy pill. He uses her to numb out how he is really feeling.

And dayumm if that doesn’t make me jealous that he has someone to cuddle and hug and whatever when he feels depressed. When I get depressed I sometimes text someone or maybe call my family but no one is actually here. Or I find a random passerby and just yell out how upset I am.

So good at making new friends….

but I don’t HAVE that. I don’t have a boo! I got nobody. I got me. Day in day out, it’s me.

So when he shows up at my “safe place” where I go to feel better. And he brings a girlfriend. It makes me feel like I just got knifed. I go there to heal myself and to feel good about myself and his bringing her makes it hurt to go to MY happy place. That’s not cool. That’s not fair. And I’m going to talk to him about it. Because as of yet I think he doesn’t understand he’s being a jerk for dangling Kitten in front of me and expecting me to not be jealous, but if I go talk to him and communicate and he still does it, fine. At least then I stuck up for myself. RRR it’s so infuriating.

I guess on a happier note I went with a friend to watch the sunset over the ocean last night. Besides hanging out with Enrique that was probably the best thing I did all day. I’m in the middle of preparing for school and my meal planning and my appointment scheduling and my class schedule and I’m thinking about taking a kickboxing class too.

I had kind of a strange thought the other day. It was before I went to the gym and did a full on beatdown. I may of may not have made sure that they could see me workout from my most advantageous angles. His girlfriend has a body shape I think of as a dumpling. She’s all soft and pudgy and fat. I, am muscle. And maybe it was a bit vindictive but I chose my exercises on purpose to show off just how good I look and how good I can do. Kind of hoping to throw her off her game.

And then I realized she didn’t bring her game.

I don’t think she has one.

It was the reason I call her kitten. She just looked pathetic. She looked like she was lukewarm and didn’t really want to be there and was placidly following Teddy Bear around and doing what he told her to do. Zero independence. Zero passion. Zero. Zero. Zero.

If you want anything in this life you need to give 100% to what you do.


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