So I’m in one of those moods. It’s like this mood where I can’t sit still. I feel like this little tiny chickbird in a nest somewhere and I’m opening my mouth to sing something. This song that I just can’t think of! And I have this voice, this song, that I want to sing so badly, but I can’t get my beak straight! It’s not coming!
Sometimes I think I get snitches of it. For instance when I would go on those long winding trails in the desert and the sun would be going down so the sky was beautiful of clouds and dust and I’d just stand there and feel the cool air of the desert autumn caress my soul. I felt like a piece of a whole. I felt that sense of wholeness, of calm. This complete peace. I knew who I was and I wasn’t striving for anything, I was perfect. Other times up in the mountains. Sometimes in the water at the ocean when I’m wearing my sports bra and shorts because I just had to leave school and I just join with the water and the salty spray and just the fluid feeling of immersion in those beckoning waves.
I feel a sense of who I am in the woods, in the deserts, in this natural world. I am complete in stillness or rushing.
Isabel, a wonderful amazingly talented yogi/lifecoach/psychologist from Brazil told me once that she loved to come out into nature because “Whatever problems or pain that you hold in your heart, nature has the capacity to take that. Nature can hold anything, it encompasses all.”
But I still feel this strong undercurrent of wonder. I know every person on this earth at some point asks the question who am I. We go to religion or Instagram or anything to try to make a definition of ourselves. What we do, what we buy. But who we are? Can there really be an answer? You’ll find this in Kung Fu Panda and pretty much any movie by Disney or DreamWorks. And because I’m awesome I will share my favorite WHO AM I moments. And I have to be honest my favorite princesses are Pocahontas and Mulan and if you asked me who I was most like I would say Pocahontas.
People who don’t know my ethnic background say half Latina or half Samoan or half Japanese or any kind of answer but the most common guess is Native American. It’s not my face, it’s more about my heritage. I was raised alongside the older cultures such as the Navajo and I feel a real connection to my homeland. And I know that the Native American cultures are not easily defined and there are many many extrapolations but for me some of the very core values come, the love of the open land, the music, and the language all speak deeply to my heart. So Pocahontas is first.
And since it’s so late I’m just going to leave it at- think on this for now. Give it some wonder and then sleep well and dream of it. ❤