10 Things I Hate About You

So I’m kind of on a I-was-mormon-but-now-I’m-not-so-I-can-watch-baywatch-now-right movie flick. I don’t watch all of what’s in the movies but I’m finally catching up on a lot of stuff I missed back in high school.

But you have to remember my brain.

See, my brain is the FBI. My brain can’t just sit down during a movie and enjoy it. Well… Okay. it does enjoy movies, but not for the reason you think.

My brain enjoys torture, for example, this.

Father of the bride

Anyways it took a long time to pick just one example but here’s my point. While you’re chilling eating popcorn, I’m conducting a thorough investigation of each character as well as doing plot analysis and heck if it’s a murder mystery I am pretty hard to fool.

The thing that I’m into right now is watching all those coming of age high school movies and shows because what people produce for the teenage age group is a startling indicator of where we place our self-value. Or in the more adult movies it’s almost more of the same but with more illicit sex.

For instance watching The Duff. That one is quirky and lovable because of course the girl gets the good guy and has a great time in the end despite the catfights that make up the rest of the movie. Another thing I notice about that movie is that she has a male “guide” to the world of dating and men. And let’s face it, it’s kind of hard to not notice him.

Pecs… mmm

AHEM. We’re back.

Other movies that follow this theme include The Ugly Truth, and I forget the others. But it’s in YA books. Gay guys are huge in this department. And if you watched the youtube series The Foursome oh yeah that’s the theme. And if you don’t believe me…

 

And of course this one. Savage

YASSS this girl has GOT it with embedding da videos. Mm! i’m so good.

Back to my point I was thinking about it and I know you’re not going to believe this, but my guyfriends have a lot of opinions about how I look day to day.

For instance when they ask me to go out… and ask me to wear workout clothes. And I never have to change.

Or that one time I got that sexy tight A-line skirt. BOY APPROVED.

There’s this line they use when they’re talking to me about life. It’s actually Teddy Bear’s favorite pep talk which gosh, I miss that boy, but hey… c’est la vie and at least I’m not dating her, right? ^-^ I don’t have to deal with those relationship issues. And I don’t have a tagalong to the gym.

Speaking of the gym guess who was there this morning? Apple! What I’ve decided because I’m the epitome of maturity and class is that hey I’m still his friend whatever happens. And if it doesn’t work out with the blondie, he can try himself a Brookie. ❤ ^-^ Anyways it was fun. I didn’t feel pressured by him being there in fact I was so in the zone I barely noticed him *except* when bro was doing deadlifts without a spotter. If he breaks his face it ain’t my fault.

The difference between his girl, and me is that if I was the one spotting, I might actually save his life. If I felt like it. Mwah ❤ His girl would probably attempt. Attempt is a strong word for what happens if you pick a spotter who isn’t strong enough to spot for you. More like “bystanding and having 911 on speed dial”. Yep.

So back to Teddy Bear.

“So you know when you want someone to marry, you try to look attractive to that person. You can’t change them but you can make yourself look more attractive to get them.”

This might be kind of a surprise…. But I don’t wake up every day thinking about how to attract men. Having 14 guyfriends requires enough maintenance as it is. Take Apple for example. If he broke his face I would have had to call 911 and all that drama I don’t need on Monday. I call my Monday workouts Lazy Ass Monday because 1) I have to drag my lazy butt out of bed at 4am 2) It’s butt day. I still work everything in cycles for each workout but Monday I really focus on those glutes. But fact remains there’s this vibe from my male friends saying “Hey you’re sexy as is, but if you actually tried, wowww…”

Confession… I don’t own a non-sports bra. I hate that girly stuff and I wear a dress if I HAVE to. In fact I just barely after 19 years wore a dress on a non-church day. And actually I know this sounds sad and pathetic but I saw all those Homecoming pictures on my instagram and I saved them all because I kind of fantasize about dressing sexy and going out dancing with a bunch of girlfriends or heck, maybe a hot date. Just doing the young things I missed out on- like my Senior Prom.

Actually my Senior Prom I locked myself in my room, and did a sports bra shorts danceoff all by me myself and I. Uno tres leches. And actually I had a GREAT time. It’s kind of really awesome to dance around in the dark and just go crazy and not have any guys grinding on you. Like what makes them think I like that? I don’t. I’m not their bitch. That’s not my flavor.

Teddy Bear is right across from me, speak of the devil. Something I’ve noticed about the Samoan and Tongan guys is they never go for Latinas. Like I know that’s a stereotype that they’re all passion and fire but hey, if you’ve ever met a Latina mami you know what I’m talkin’ bout. They go for these comfortable, vanilla girls.

For instance, I could probably get away with this look.

No that’s not me. My sixpack is better. But these girls these guys pick would just look…. pale and kind of wimpy. It would wash them out.

I think the word I’m looking for is self-confidence. Guys are terrified of it. And do not LISTEN to any of my guyfriends on this topic because they say all this BS about how they like a woman who knows what she wants but truth is they are HELLA terrified of a girl who knows what she wants. Rejection from a girl who doesn’t really know what’s up and who is wishy washy about “omg, if I got married at 19, should I stay in college and finish my education or does my husband want to get started on the 7 babies away?” “I kinda want a hot body but I also like cheetos” “I kinda want to stay single but I kinda want to get married. Boyf, is that a good idea?”.. not so bad.

(And I’m stereotyping hardcore but it’s because sometimes you have to hit the sensitive spot to get someone’s attention.)

Recap. Rejection from a wishy-washy mildly sweet girl, doesn’t matter that much. Rejection from the hot chick who is straight up focused on her school and her life, who all the boys think is hot- oh yeah. That burns. It’s not just because she’s so driven. It’s because she’s driven that she gets all that attention in the first place. She is unattainable, she is gorgeous, she is the muse of all these fantasies and yet she’s real. And the unattainable part is key.

*You don’t get popular by trying to be popular. It happens or it doesn’t. I’m not going to waste much time on popularity tips on this blog. Being popular is a special section of hell I’d prefer to leave uncharted*

But yeah okay so look at girl up top. Does she look approachable? No.

Look at this girl, this is the basically the girl Apple is dating. Look back to me

Bro. It takes a real man to handle dating the Queen. Do us all a favor and just admit you don’t have what it takes.

bring sexxy back

20170916_162637

Need I say more? And yes. I’m considering occasionally trying to look sexy. We’ll see how that goes. Because it probably wouldn’t hurt me to not walk around barefoot in leggings carrying a sports bag with my hair being either a wonder woman braid or a ponytail and no makeup. Besides. It’s fun to play with boys.

The suffering of men is a decadent delight I crave constantly. ^-^

Also HELLL no could should you ever for one moment put me in the same category as the other girls. I’m The Queen. I didn’t come to play, I came to slayy 👑😡 👑 #thequeen#

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