Talanoa

That means to talk in Samoan. So there’s a fun fact for jeopardy. The rest of this post, isn’t fun. It’s a rant. So skip it if you can’t handle some shade.

Today I am angry. I am BEYOND angry. Which either means that I have every reason to be upset and this is normal, or that I’m about to have a total breakdown because I’ve been not sleeping and going hungry to avoid my feelings and I am damn depressed. And I’m not sure those meds are out of my system yet.

Today we’re going to talk about mature behavior. I am an expert on maturity. At least, how other people can improve. Myself? Meh. I don’t even try. I’m a frequent flyer to Neverland and proud of it.

So this guy, this guy. Apple. You remember him? So two months ago he unfriends me on facebook and then last week he follows me on instagram. And then he accepts my “message request” which I didn’t send a message request but that’s how it showed up and it was the canoe pictures he had asked me to send him… Two months ago. And then he blocks me.

WHAT THE F—-

And I had a guy who is friends with him tell me not to text him anymore when I was telling him all about my new baby nephew. Okay. So at least he told me in person he didn’t want me around. But Apple? How dare he smile at my face and then pull these tricks? I just cannot believe I used to like such a jerk!!!

How old is he, five?

And so today for better or for worse I am going to use my voice and I am going to talk to him and I am going to find out how he gets off with being such a bitch.

I did not every do anything wrong to my knowledge. I was nothing but kind and a good friend.

I do not deserve this.

And I am going to find out why this is happening because if this is more of that BS from when I was so sick before about the cutting and the rapes, I am going to set him damn straight on it.

I am tired of the rumors. I am tired of the lies. I am tired of the goings on behind my back that are cutting me off from people I thought were my friends. I am so so sick of this.

I may be one of the most f-ed up people you know. But I TRY. I TRY to be kind and loving and I try to care for the people around me. I work damn hard to get better. I work damn hard to get through college despite these handicaps that literally endanger my health, my relationships, and my entire life. And thusly, I am someone you should cheer for because I deserve at least that much for the odds I have had to overcome. Noone else, could live this life, and that’s why it’s my life.

None of these people can even fathom how much pain I am in. And on the one hand I understand that they don’t realize they’re being jerks so I usually let it slide but I cannot do that anymore. Scuse me. No. Not anymore. I am not going to lay down and take this nonsense I am going to tell the truth and stand up for it. Who cares who leaves and who stays? I want to go to bed at night knowing I was the strongest person in the room and that I fought for myself. I will live my life. I will not go down because of these people. I am going to stand up for my truth and I am going to shout it as loud as I want. I am worth the fight.

And I’m starting today, with this bitch.

Pray for him.

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