Ta’ahine is “girl” in Tongan.
So note to the masses if you ever try to guess what I did today uh, you will never ever guess the right answer. Case in point me helping out with the Tongan village show yesterday.
Case in point me joining a halau to learn hula.
Case in point me helping Samoan village make costumes
Case in point my guyfriends get paid to model.
Case in point me helping a Tongan man tie his tapa around his waist so he can play the tulafale at Samoan village.
Case in point me walking home carrying a bushel of apple bananas or breadfruit or taro
Case in point me walking around swinging Maori poi balls between classes
Case in point my friends are exotic dancers
Case in point I take Samoan
Case in point I have a friend named Kava
Case in point I have been offered kava
Case in point I have been offered men (Polynesian men)
Case in point me being the only palangi girl at the Tongan Christmas Party.
Case in point…
So my life is the case in point. It’s funny because I was looking at that girl Apple is dating yesterday and I was like m. So she has the guy. But I don’t see her putting on Tongan traditional wear and learning the mauluulu. I mean it’s not like she couldn’t if she wanted to, but despite her being the girlfriend, she’s not really connected to the Tongan community here like I am. If she became his wife, then she’d be more accepted.
I think part of the reason the Polynesian boys don’t date me is because all their friends know me. It is really attractive to them to be with a girl who doesn’t have a connection to the community because if he plays her nothing really happens. Whereas if one of the boys was mean to me, the other boys would be ticked off at him. Tongans are really big on relationships. Reciprocity is a word I will teach you. FakaTonga. They are big on respect and they hardly ever say no to a request, whether or not they actually can do it. They like to have harmony in all their relationships.
So in other words if I really wanted a Tongan boyfriend, I’d have to break up with the Tongan community first.
So when hell freezes over, I shall have a Tongan boyfriend.
I swear I’m living the dream. I have my challenges but today I woke up, I went to a hula practice and the Polynesian Cultural Center expert and cultural consultant of all things Hawaiian is the kumu which MEANS that I am learning the straight traditional chants and hulas. It takes some courage to go because of course I am new but this is an amazing opportunity.
And then yesterday “Brooke! We need help with the show! Will you please come?” And next thing I know I have like 3 layers of mats around me and I can hardly move and I am dressed up as a Tongan bride. But they were so kind to me. They were short of workers and I helped them, yes, but they were thankful about it. And the village is going to help me move into my house. As soon as I find it, that is.
It’s funny because this is probably the first time a palangi girl has ever had the chance to help out at Tongan village with a show. I mean, it really shouldn’t matter what my skin color is- I have like 9 ethnic bloodlines in me I am a mixplate. But in this case it is just so wonderful to be able to live their culture and not just study it. I feel like so many students at my college don’t take advantage of the amazing cultures here.
My anorexia and my PTSD and my depression are putting up a strong front, but I refuse to lose the amazing opportunities here because of that. I have missed out and had too many losses to get this far and end up back home, sick. I am determined to get better and have the fullest, most fulfilling life I can have.
❤ Ofa atu
Also I hope you finished reading the post all the way through to the cute motivational part because I literally just spent 4 hours formatting videos. It was a long, loonnnnnnggg day. Not my usual level of loca but we can’t have everything we want now can we.
It’s hard to believe I’m anorexic. I mean… I look healthy. I’m smiling I’m fit. But I hate eating and if I don’t set the clock, schedule and prep the meals, and make myself eat the whole darn container full, I won’t eat. Mostly I tell people I’m stressed but I think I’m going to change my answer to heartsick.
Not that they’ll believe me. They didn’t believe me up until the day I checked into the hospital. Also I talked to Teddy Bear today. It’s funny how people move on. They move farther and farther away, even if you still see them every day. I don’t really know what to do about those feelings… Or feelings in general because I’m trying not to punch walls anymore because I’m strong enough I know I could break my own hand, so until I get gloves, I will refrain.
Nah final straighttalk today.