Today was an adventure. Heck my whole life so far was an adventure. I do not remember the last time I was bored which may actually be one of the only benefits of PTSD that comes to mind.
So basically I may have told you that the guys at work think I am super cute. 😘 WE’LL. despite my insistence that I am NOT dating and had NO interest WHATSOEVER in dating I think I went on a date today. And here is the thing it was fun but I feel so bad because this guy seems to like me and I have to put him out of his misery.
I have to be honest guys I have been out with feel entitled to things like a goodnight kiss or they think making out is the same as dating. Hence my decision to kapu the dating until I decided otherwise. In fact I refuse to call today a date because he is friend. Zoned.
Now if I can just convince him of that…
So what did we do Today? Well I slept in and had nightmares and weird weird dreams about the chickens in my backyard. I forgot my sandwich so I had no breakfast and we got on the bus and went down to Honolulu. It was cloudy at first so we went to the zoo! I LOVE the zoo.
One thing this bro said after talking with me about life politics economics human trafficking Polynesian and American culture as well as girl psychological warfare and oh wait every concievable fact about cheetahs warthogs turtles tortoises and tigers there ever was he said “I feel that you are wasting your time in Pacific Island Studies”
Well considering the last time I gave a presentation on Tonga and talked about how the culture affected politics and that their decision to be educated outside Tonga was changing their politics in a direction that is in direct opposition to the traditional values. These kids said that no matter where they go “We keep our culture” “We send money home out of love”
Yeah. Love and the fact that if you didn’t your aunty would give you a sasa to remember and you would bring shame on your whole family as a disobedient ungrateful selfserving fiapalangi
They want to make it sound like it’s out of love but I lived with a Samoan family and I saw this every day. Maybe some do it out of love but you cannot deny that it is not taken well when someone doesn’t fulfill the cultural obligation to share all belongings and increase with the ‘aiga (family)
So I gave the presentation and guess what people got so upset with me and days later people came up to me and asked about it and said people were offended and etc but THEN I went to class and a Hawaiin lady who married a Samoan gave the EXACT SAME POINTS. MY SENTENCES REWORDED and they ate it up! I was like scuse me? So my skin color isn’t good enough for You? And then they said on the mainland that white people hate immigrants and I raised my hand and said no it’s the opposite you are wrong.
They didn’t like that either. One girl did say to me that I was right but they just accept the culture they don’t study it so for me to be up there talking about it sets them off. She is awesome btw.
Anyways. I went to the zoo and realized when I was younger I was obsessed with animals and reptiles. In fact my parents thought I would be a zoologist or marine biologist but now here I am. In Hawaii. Studying island culture.
Maybe they are a waste of my time. If they won’t listen because of my skin color how can I influence them to keep their traditional values but also take care of modern problems like western food? Because I have always believed that they have the ability to do great things. Every person is born with the innate capability to be a star but we need to focus ou training on the area that suits us best. Maybe they don’t need to leave the islands to be educated. Maybe we can build good schools in places like Tonga that give the students the capability to work anywhere they want but with the values and culture of Tonga being utilized in everything the school does.
The Pacific just like any other people, does have the power to change the world, but they lack the willpower and a lot of the tools that others have access to. Which is not just them. Everyone does which is why I said that the training needs to be focused in the right directions. Maybe the right direction isn’t westernization. Maybe it is tradition of old coming back into play, maybe it is that identity that will teach them who they are and what they can do. And with that change they can change themselves and then the world will change.
Who knows where the heck I will end up. What I will end up doing. I would be very surprised if I found myself in a deadend job somewhere.
So here is pictures from the zoo and the Diamond Head Hike
The name is originally Le’-ahi which means two things but because the other thing wasn’t interesting my brain promptly threw it out. This one is crown of fire and it’s because this used to be a volcano. There were heiau (ancient Hawaiian temples) all around the rim to give offerings to the god of strong winds and guess what there is very very strong wind up there. Do not wear a hat.
I did enjoy the hike. It was short and pretty steep and my ever complaining leg did NOT enjoy it as much as I did however the view was totally worth it. And the sunburn and consequent tan is getting me closer to my dreams of dancing in the Ha breath of life show at PCC. So ha.
SPEAKING OF HULA besides my new job, I joined a new dance group called the Ring of Fire which is created and upheld by a local Tahitian Marquesan Cook Island Chinese Hawaiian family. It is as confusing as it sounds. So tonight I performed for a wedding with the group and that girl, I hope she appreciates just how much effort that family went to to make sure it all went right. She got her perfect dress, her perfect photos, her perfect tablecloths and fancy ring with a big ole diamond on it.
Sidenote a guy who has been annoying me for months now sneaked up behind me and was trying to flirt and I said “I’m beautiful and you are not. Go die in a hole”. This is a classic PTSD aggression thing because I can’t actually hurt people but he needs to back off and complaining to the bosses didn’t work and telling him to cut it out didn’t work so now I’m just being mean because apparently there’s no other way to stop his advances😑😑😑