So does everybody remember Dox ? He’s that adorable little black mutt that lives next door to me.
Well for those of you who don’t know, Dox is a rescue dog. He used to get hurt and starved at his first home. My friend rescued him but as a student had no place to keep him. He recruited another female student and asked her to keep him and she ended up dumping Dox off to the family next door. Family is super sweet. Has two little girls. And one of the girls likes me which tells you she’s made of sterner stuff than most. Children by and large are afraid of me. My buddy from the cafe tried to look into my eyes to understand why that is and he said he couldn’t see it. Well that’s because he has never fought me for a taco before.
Honestly food, meh. But fluffy animals? Fluffy animals are my babies. My loves. People suck, at least my experience has put a bad taste in my mouth and a lot of trauma and all that leads me to conclude that for now people suck. But animals… we know how that is with me.
So when I found out that Dox needed about a thousand dollars of dental work*wait for it* a year ago, and that it hasn’t been taken care of and that the owner expected his foster family (who had him for a year) to leave him behind in a new home I was like BRUH.
I looked into this little dogs eyes and saw myself. Lonely. Lost. Afraid. Feeling abandoned by his owner. Anxious. And this dog you can’t clap anywhere near him or he runs to hide under the couch. It’s been years since he was his but it doesn’t matter. He even has nightmares still and sometimes cries in his sleep. Kinda like PTSD but he is a dog.
The idea that in his 4 years of life everyone else’s needs came first to the point that his teeth were rotting out of his mouth made me
I bark a lot but I rarely have to “bite” to get the respect I am asking for. When it comes to things like this I just looked at all of those people in his life like wth guys. How could you do this to him? He depends on you! He misses you! He needs you!
After a few months of worrying and infighting and dox being shifted to homes he ran away from, he ended up with me for two weeks.
My landlord was a jerk about it. They gave us permission to keep him for the time until he could fly to the mainland but then blamed him for peeing on the rug, and dox hadn’t! They said the house smelled bad and to never let him in again but he goes indoors at night or he howls.
So I had to sneak him into the house.
Long story short after months of worry and took and sacrifice and me watching him and taking care of him for a couple weeks while working and dancing and doing college, he is on the mainland with his forever family.
I always thought I would be a terrible mom. But I realized with Dox and Kéyah and other animals in my life that I judged myself harshly. I do have that instinct. Very powerfully. But for me it’s not about babies it’s about dogs because dogs are my babies for now. I can’t have my own babies and don’t wish to, so for now all of that instinct and energy is channeled in one direction- dogs.