When You Wish

So. It’s my last week in Hawaii. I leave next week.

So naturally a category 5 hurricane is headed for Hawai’i and we are on hurricane watch all weekend.

I want to go to sleep but I’m so worried I feel sick to my stomach. Thanks to poor planning all of the evacuation sites where I live are locked down and under construction so if we are hit there is no shelter for over 4,000 people in this area. Power is expected to go down. People are panicking. People are scared.

My dad drilled me on exactly how to prepare for an emergency. I have a list of what supplies I need and how to prepare the house and where to evacuate too and yeah so I will be as ready as possible but when you live next to an ocean and high surf is expected as well as 12 inches of rain and flood water… we rely on 1 main highway that snakes around the whole island. Any part of that highway goes out everyone is stranded for a day or 2 so that means no food or power or water up to the north shore. There is no fresh water close to where I live and no one uses rain water barrels either.

In other words people here came here for a vacation and people living here have been taking a vacation about preparedness.

It is possible that the hurricane could miss my island and my current home but if not, if something bad happens I want to say that I have no regrets. I’m not afraid to die and I’m prepared as I can be.

I was riding my bike home from work and for the first time in a long time as I was riding past these plumeria trees, their sweet fragrance filling the evening air, I felt warm in my heart and I was glad to be alive.

I’m so blessed for my life.

I’ve had almost 6 suicide attempts and about 8 close brushes with death through car accidents, illness, self-harm, anorexia, and various medications. If you had spoken to me in those moments you would have been amazed at how such a normal looking person with such a seemingly wonderful life could consider death to be her best option.

Now that I am 6 months clean of self harm and suicide attempts I can tell you that all of it was worth it. Surviving, fighting. It was worth it.

I can’t stop the hurricane but I can weather a storm that’s for sure.

Also I’ve never tried to stop a hurricane before but I’ve heard good things about wishing on a star.

Maybe tonight you can wish with me.😙

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